Falling asleep after sex is natural says Dr. Sandor Gardos, PHD, a licensed clinical Psychologist and sex therapist based in New York. You have just exerted a fair amount of energy, released muscle tension, and are now feeling calm. Following orgasm, the flood of endorphins in your brain makes you even more relaxed. Obviously, this is a great setup for sleep.
Men tend to fall asleep quickly after orgasm because they can’t get aroused readily during the refractory period that follows, whereas women can remain excited or excited or excitable after intercourse, at least for a time.
So it is understandable if your wife does not want to fall asleep—at least not as quickly as you do. Perhaps you should ask her what she really needs. Does she want more sex? Don’t think of lovemaking as being over just because you’ve reached orgasm. Your wife may be ready for more stimulation and more orgasms. Or she may just want a little pillow talk and snuggling.
Depending on what she tells you, Dr.Gardos offers some suggestions:
If she is interested in having you awake to pursue more sexual activity, you might start out in a new position. You will probably stay awake if you are standing, for instance.
Don’t turn the lights out. There are all sorts of visual delights that can accompany sex. Enjoy them before, during, and after.
Don’t drink alcohol before having sex. Alcohol does not enhance sex, despite what some people believe, and it can make you drowsy.
Don’t have sex only late at night after a hard day of work. Sex can be a great way to start the day, too.
If your wife wants some quality quiet time after sex, plan to do something slightly more active than simply lying there. You can talk, trade messages, or stroke each other’s hair.